So I told them about the aimless, spontaneous night I had. They remained stoic, and left the room shortly thereafter.

A minute or so ago, Dad came in and said, basically, "Knowing you had a good time doing basically nothing when you would have had a good time with us at the concert doesn't make us feel very good."

What did I do?! This is happening more and more over this past week... my parents are suddenly very cold. I don't know what's wrong. What did I do??

Please tell me so I can fix it. 'Cause at this point, i'm living in a place I do not want to be. My house is a firey ice cube. Cold, cold, cold with blazing heat around the edges.

On Tuesday, after my mother left the house for work, she called back on the cell phone, crying. She asked to talk to me and talked for about 10 minutes of "What have I ever done to you? I do nothing but pay for you and drive you places and give you what you want, and you're nothing but mean to me." I sit there with my eyebrows drawn together, pushing down the lump in my own throat, and say the only thing I can think to say: "Okay. I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry."

The next morning, my father gives me the same speach, only not in tears and in person. I leave the house with labored breathing and a growing knot in my windpipe, which luckily I could mask by the time I got to school.

Now all this. What am I doing? I really want to know. My mother says i'm being mean and selfish to her and Paul especially. My father says i'm neglecting my responsabilities as a daughter. (Now, given, this was true - my responsablility was to let Jasper, the dog, out at night. I didn't do it for a few nights and he went upstairs in the construction area. I'm letting him out nightly again.) I'm being nice to Paul again, but given, I was kind of mean to him for a while. But I'm fixing it. Or masking, I don't know. I'm trying to suppliment my normal behavior, which personally I don't percieve as mean, but apparently is.

I don't know what i'm doing wrong!!! And if I knew, you know I would fix it in seconds. I can't stand this rejection from my mother and father. I really can't take it. I can't stand being in my house, even alone. I can't stand being in the car with my parents, stonily silent as they drive me. They only have to drive me because, under USA law, I can't drive myself yet. If I knew how, you bet i'd break that law and drive myself? In a second. And when I turn 16, they only have to SIT there, 'cause I'll pick up on the driving thing so fast they won't have to worry. And then as soon as i'm 17, they won't have to worry at all. I'll finally be out of their hair.

I don't know what i'm doing wrong right now. I wish I did.

+ Hannah

Edit: My mother just came in, her eyes puffy and red. She asked me if I understood why they're upset with me. I shook my head no. She said, more or less, "It's weird to us that you told us about a good time you had with someone elses's mother when you could of been having a good time with your own mother. It seems to us that you never want to be with your family. Not only do you not give anything to the family, you take things like money and driving. It seems to us that to you, the family seems like a source of resources, but you never give anything back."

::cry::